I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
