Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
