I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
