why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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