Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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