I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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