There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
