theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
