I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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