i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
