We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
