I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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