Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
