I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
