I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And then he peed in my hair
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