My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
