just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
