wrigley field is MILF paradise
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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