Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
