Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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