You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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