so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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