Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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