sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
