I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
