Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
