Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
jump out the window naked night went bad
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