I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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