Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
