who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
