I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
as a side note pls kill me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
