Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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