I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
