My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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