AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
