Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
