what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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