i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
