Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
