She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
