btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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