Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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