I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
