that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
