The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
