I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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