you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
