singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
