Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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