She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
