don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
