If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
