Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
