We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize