so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I looked at my own cervix.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
