I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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