I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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