Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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