HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
