just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
