you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
